I thought that the will to act, the steps taken to face the issue, would somehow support the combat against my addiction.
It does not.
Since I took that appointment at the addiction clinic, since I had my first meeting with a very sweet nurse who was 1000% more receptive and convincing than the former “mental health professionals” I’ve consulted with, I had hoped confronting my issues & deciding to address them would be a first step into helping myself. A first step into reducing, even if minimally, my daily intake. Or make me at ease with the concept of living without a bottle hidden in my rucksack.
It does not.
I’m more stressed out. I’m in constant panic attacks. I’m physically sick if I don’t have access to the stuff. And I’m feeling like I drink twice as much. Which I’m probably doing.
I know it’s a process, a life-changing one. I know there’ll be a grief period; she told me. She told me I’m the only one able to do it. No magic, no technology. Just me.
Just me and that liquid shit.
Going to meet a specialist next week; nurse told me I’m probably going to need a prescription to help (and also that it’s the real hard choice, it is one or the other. Gotta commit now)
What prescription? And what are you meaning with ‘one or the other’?
A prescription for medication against the signs of withdrawal, I’m so far down that I can’t stop “cold turkey” or risk shit stuff like going into epilepsy. They said Benzodiazepine, so yeah, Valium or such like.
And if I go that route, I have to be sure my choice to stop is made, since you better not use Benzodiazepine at the same time as alcohol.
I’m not a health professional or anything, so I want to stress that I lack knowledge and insight to give real advice.
But honestly … this sounds weird. Doing Benzoz in an unsupervised setting while under such high stress and risk of relapsing? Recipe for disaster. In your situation, you should consider leaving room and acceptance for a possible relapse. Relapsing does not mean failing (and certainly should not mean dying); it will be part of your progress and success, because the Recovery as a whole is a process with ups and downs, and relapses can be a part of that journey, that is normal.
I regret my first comment in your post, where I suggested the use of Valium, and would now rather suggest exploring general 'reduction strategies". Also, it’s great that you seek professional help, but maybe also get a second opinion before taking drugs that are seriously dangerous when combined with alcohol.
All the best, you got this! 🥰