It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?
It hurts me too much. I’ve felt heartbreak, it’s a feeling I don’t think I could ever handle again. It’s why I didn’t bother trying to date/put myself out there since the 11th grade. That was 2011. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m too self conscious about myself and too scared of heartbreak again so I’ve “tortured” myself by avoiding it. Maybe I am being too hard on myself, who knows. I just… am too scared to make the leap back I guess.
Well, you shouldn’t close yourself off just because you’re afraid. But don’t force yourself into trying to love either, just because you think you ‘need’ to be in a relationship. That sort of thing rarely goes well.
If you’re having trouble ‘getting back out there’, it’s probably easiest to develop hobbies, and meet people that way. Then you have a better chance of finding someone walking a similar path to you, which at the very least means you get a good friend out of the deal.
Most of my hobbies are pretty much what I do at home. Like draw, play on my midi keyboard, narrate horror stories.
The last time I had feelings for someone… it was in 2012 and I realised it after having worked together for more than 2.5 years. However it was one sided and it hurt. That much I remember. However, I didn’t feel physical attraction. I remember wishing for a deeper emotional and intellectual connection. To be honest, since then I think I do feel a little scared of getting emotionally attached to anyone because it had hurt a lot.