I ate the onion; thought I already had heard these exact ads. I definitely have heard an ad attacking a Democrat and wondered why they were playing dark and thunderous tones over all the good things the Dem voted for.

The problem with doing satire is that our world is crazier than fiction. And I’ll tell you why:

Ages ago, the Mayans predicted the end of the world would happen in the year 2012. Except that wasn’t exactly right; what they discovered was that the year 2012 marked the end of an era. What they had stumbled onto was a date in the source code of our universe, indicating when this grand experiment would end, and the grad students running this simulation of a universe would need to turn in their research. But instead of concluding the simulation and turning it off, (this is where my conjecture begins) one of the grad students was kicked out of their program for unethical behavior; creating life then abandoning it to have a wicked kegger roughly 2000 of our simulated years ago. Now our simulation is running unattended past its natural expiration date and things are going out of bounds of its operating parameters, and will continue to do so until the coming of the Janitor, who will unplug our simulation and bring the suffering of our universe to an end.

Whether this is gospel, heresy, or just the mad ramblings of an overworked and understimulated person looking to get a few tokens of serotonin by writing a nonsensical comment on an internet forum, I leave for you to decide.

The only time I’ve been more miserable than when I was unemployed, was when I was employed.

Actions speak louder than words, though even their words aren’t saying much these days.

It’s someone who doesn’t know what sub they’re in; this sub is for those living in NYC, LA, SF, and Chicago only. I’m guessing they live in the tiny sliver of the United States that isn’t one of those four cities, hence their confusion.

That would require having policies, and not just a campaign strategy of “We’re not as bad as the Other Guy!”

They did say it was an old bottle, possibly before capitalism ruined the brand.

If we just pay our taxes to King George he’ll eventually listen to us!

Then you gotta find the bartender who tends the bar at where the therapist’s bartender drinks. It’ll be a dive, and all the advice anyone gets is “beer or shot?” And the dive’s bartender doesn’t need therapy because they’ve already accepted that they are past saving.

I often also feel this way, although I also look at a lot of voting-aged people in the US and realize that being that dumb usually just means you are angry all the time.

Fast forward 6 months and every user of After will only ever select “Vibes didn’t match” or the first option they can click the fastest.

Because people want the status symbol of having a dog without actually liking dogs, so they buy “convenient” dogs based on traits like how little they shed. Then the second they aren’t puppies anymore they dump them with a trainer to “train” all the dog out of them and/or dump them at a doggy daycare to torture the minimum wage employees who actually like dogs, all so the owners can take photos for their social media.

Tl;dr: I love all dogs. But poodle mixes are exclusively owned by terrible people, and as a result, act terribly.

Society will never go fully paperless. If we would have it would have been around 1998. Though I suppose depending on which apocalypse scenario gets us, there will be a time when paper cuts are a rarity only suffered by the few brave souls who scavenge the ruins of the Before Times.

FUCKING Papa John’s. Cheap bastards don’t want to have employees so all their deliveries go through DoorDash, and those drivers always steal part of my order. PJs blames DD, DD blames PJs, and no matter what I’m the one left screwed.

But more to your point, Dominoes > Pizza Hut ever since PH stopped dipping their crusts in grease. If I wanted to eat healthy I’d go be a rabbit or something.

There’s already too much plastic in the oceans. Woodchipper first, bonfire next.

Also, google you’re dumber than a box containing what rocks shat out to think that woodchopper is a word but woodchipper isn’t.

I thought the Onion was supposed to be a satirical site, not factually correct 10/10 no notes

They didn’t say he was playing well…

And it has a sharp point on the pin for when someone uses “a case of the Mondays”.

I like to use D&D’s concept of spell slots. Some activities are cantrips, I can do them every day no problem. Other activities may need a leveled spell slot, and depending on what else I need to do I might not have a spell slot available, or may need to use a higher level spell slot for a low-level activity.

Main difference is a long rest IRL doesn’t always give me all my spell slots back.

What if they’re working, or have other obligations that require social battery charge? Your personal mission may have ruined their day.