Funny. Tech bros insisted that this wouldn’t happen.

Rotor is canonically gay. I don’t even have to rank him.

I only included characters from the games because if I hadn’t I’d be here all day.

My original idea was “If Sega decided one of these characters is gay tomorrow, who is it going to be?”. It morphed into the list you see before you. I took into account both actions and how Sega treats them, as well as just general vibes.

That’s on me. I didn’t make the rules clear.

I didn’t say that it was a tier list based on how surprised I’d be if they came out as Bisexual, now did I? Strictly gay.

Sega has a bunch of mandates regarding how Sonic is allowed to behave, so there’s meta reason for his placement. They don’t even let him cry, so coming out of the closet would be enormous.

TBH, I didn’t know what to do with Charmy, since Team Chaotix doesn’t really get that much development. I stuck him in the middle just to be safe.

I grew up with the N64 and I never needed realistic pores and eyelashes to get immersed in a game. All I needed was a world and characters I liked. I can’t imagine someone picking up a classic and being like “WTF, where’s the individually rendered nostril hair? I can’t get invested in this!” That just feels silly to me.

Honestly, why do you need graphics to create that level of detail? In regular gameplay, you aren’t getting closeups of your characters face. It’s just a waste of energy on the part of the animators.

Pac man disrespects the dead by eating ghosts, which is considered highly disrespectful in cultures that practice ancestor worship. What’s more, Pac man has a wife who is explicitly shown to be as capable as he is, to the point where the only real difference between them is that Mrs Pac man has a bow and lipstick. A bold statement on gender roles if I’ve ever seen one. In summary, this game is a feminist masterpiece that pokes fun at superstitious conservative countries. Truly a thought provoking piece that will be remembered in the same vein as other great provocative works, such as A Modest Proposal or the movie Borat.

Nothing straighter than two guys playing twister by themselves right?

I think I forgot a word. That’s what I get for posting after taking my sleepy pills.

I miss r/comedynecrophilia.

The costume by itself isn’t necessarily sexual. It’s like cosplay.

Medical devices aren’t supposed to kill their users, which is what happened in the animal testing phase. It didn’t even have a single successful case of doing what it’s supposed to.

“Why, yes. We can tell you are a criminal because of your skull shape”

This screenshot is from Sonic Battle, a game where 80% of the plot is Sonic and friends being bad parents to their new robot buddy. (it’s better than it sounds) In this scene, Cream was kidnapped by Eggman and Emerl (the robot) saves her. Since Cream dislikes fighting, she is upset that he had to blow up some other robots to rescue her. Emerl apologizes despite not understanding what he did wrong, citing the above quote, which is apparently advice Sonic gave him at some point.

The disease comic is definitely fan made, since Cream is very much still alive and >!Emerl has to be put down to save humanity!<.

I mean yeah, it’s kinda sexist, but his heart is in the right place ya know?

Zebraforce would be a kickass band name.

Art wasn’t melting the ice caps. That’s why we were cheering the coal mining industry getting some. Because the coal industry is choking the goddamn planet to death. What did you want from us? Are we supposed to feel bad because the people raping mother earth for profit are going to get a job doing something that won’t kill us?