Relay is the app I’ve been using for the past decade. It’s great, and I would pay a subscription fee even though I paid for the app, but it wouldn’t solve the other issues with the site. Mods still wouldn’t have the tools they need to be effective and NSFW posts wouldn’t be accessible, for example. Plus I don’t like the idea of giving money to companies run by the likes of Steve Huffman.
If you haven’t bought a bidet (like $50-100 and a few minutes to install) or shower every time you poop, you are probably covered in feces right now. Toilet paper alone is kind of gross.