• 0 Posts
  • 19 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: July 18th, 2023

help-circle










  • Why is the onus on everyone else? Generally speaking, I believe that if something is making someone upset/hurt, it’s on them to let the other person know that. Without deep, intimate knowledge of the other person (and honestly, even with that level of relationship), it’s hard to know when something that is ok to you is completely offensive to the other person.

    And just for emphasis, this is my belief in general - not just in the context of misgendering trans peeps. I feel like it’s not fair to stay mad at someone for crossing a line they didn’t even know existed. I’ve applied this mentality to my marriage, and it’s honestly done wonders for improving my relationship with my husband and has opened up so much room for honest communication and building respect/trust in each other.


  • But there are so many different types of people in the world. How is someone expected to know that something is specifically offensive to one person, unless that person tells them?

    I habitually refer to everyone as “dude”, but I certainly would stop calling someone “dude” if they asked me to stop. I know a lot of people feel the same way that I do, so please let it be known if you’re uncomfortable with certain terms. Sure, there are people that are going to be total assholes about it, but I’d say that’s a great indicator to steer clear of that person.





  • Yeah, no. Glad that it’s worked out for you (so far), but it doesn’t always work out for everyone. I agree that you shouldn’t be aggressive and standoffish, but you sure as fuck should not trust the cops. All they’ve shown is that they are a gang that believe they’re above the law. They’re out to protect and serve each other — not us.


  • Nah, I’ve certainly had a few reflective moments where I realized my missed opportunities. The reality is, unless you’re really confident and self-possessed, it’s hard to put yourself out there. So I can understand why these guys didn’t just spell it out for me, cause they likely weren’t sure I was into them. And on my end, I always struggled with low self-esteem, so I just assumed that these attractive guys weren’t actually into me and were just being nice/good friends.

    Anyways, I’m glad your girlfriend is an exception to the rule.