• FUCKRedditMods@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      100
      arrow-down
      11
      ·
      1 year ago

      I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.

      For years the only happiness I’ve found has been by removing myself from the market entirely and just writing off the notion of being with someone, a “with no hope/expectations there is no letdown” kind of thing.

      I was carrying on just fine like this until I got a beautiful new coworker a few months ago who laughs at even my worst jokes like it’s going out of style. Alas though I’m sure she likes me I know I’m too old for her so here I am just unusually unhappy in my solitude for the first time in years. Ugh, is it time to get on tinder? I fucking hate the whole enterprise of dating.

      • ThwaitesAwaits@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        16
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        Idk if dating is inherently bad, but the soulcrushing drive for profit that has consumed modern dating has defintely made it horrible.

      • canuckkat@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        20
        arrow-down
        6
        ·
        1 year ago

        Sounds like you don’t have friends and you expect your partner to be your only source of emotional support. You should fix that before you try to be in a romantic relationship.

          • canuckkat@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            arrow-down
            4
            ·
            edit-2
            1 year ago

            Cute. I’m not the one who needs to date someone to be happy.

            I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.

            • FUCKRedditMods@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              9
              arrow-down
              2
              ·
              1 year ago

              Okie dokie everyone, canuckkat is the best of us, he has never felt down for want of a relationship with someone. He just has SO many friends that he’s immune to romantic emotions.

              “Just get more friends bro”

              • canuckkat@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                1
                arrow-down
                3
                ·
                1 year ago

                Not even a he 🤣

                And actually, my friends do fulfill 70% of my emotional needs and I’m pretty good at fulfilling my own needs as well. I have zero desire for a romantic relationship or connection at this point in my life.

      • Bleeping Lobster@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        12
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        I wonder if the downvotes are from people who think you sound incel-y. I mean, you do a little bit, but I think a lot of people nowadays identify with that “there’s no point dating” feeling, though are too nervous to voice it. All but the most narcisissistic of us have a little voice in the back of our minds giving ‘sage’ advice about how worthless we are from time to time, and if you’ve dealt with a lot of rejection that only gets reinforced.

        If you do try stuff like tinder, be well advised that it’s a very long shot. You might be better off with a paid service like match.com… my dad found love after his divorce pretty quickly when he joined that site, I assume because anyone who’s paying to be on a dating site is more invested in finding that someone special vs apps like tinder which incentivise short-term approach to dating.

        • Bleeping Lobster@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          12
          ·
          1 year ago

          I dated women in their 40s while I was early 20s, we got some funny looks occasionally but generally no-one gave a shit. What two consenting adults do is their own business. Though now I’m in my early 40s, I don’t think I’d have a lot in common with someone at 21; and maintain that just because it’s ‘legal’ doesn’t mean it’s ethical, someone at 18 just does not have the life experience nor fully-formed pre frontal cortex to deal with someone who’s fully-adult. Ripe for abuse imo.

      • Rolando@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        1 year ago

        Alas though I’m sure she likes me I know I’m too old for her so here I am just unusually unhappy in my solitude for the first time in years.

        Just ask her if she knows of any single women your age she can set you up with. If she really likes you, she’ll tell them what a great person you are. Or maybe she can give you tips about where to meet someone, how to ask someone out, etc.

        Don’t despair for having a potentially good friendship, those can be just as valuable as physical relationships.

      • punkisundead [they/them]@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        arrow-down
        4
        ·
        1 year ago

        I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.

        Hate to break it to you, but you framing this as in inherent part of yourself does not really help in dealing with it. It is something you can absolutely work on and for the sake of your mental health I hope you will be able to do that.

      • Ketram@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        1 year ago

        I agree with others, man. What’s the age difference? Because I understand someone being too young (I’m 28 and I’m not sure I could date someone under 24 for example). Just very curious! You never know

        • runeko@programming.dev
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          18
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          1 year ago

          Because this isn’t someone who hates women. This is someone who simply gave up looking for a partner from frustration or depression. Now, they are deciding to change and passively asking for advice. You know, positive personal growth.