Federal Greenwashing Minister Tanya Plibersek has declared an all out war against Australia’s feral cat population in a bid to stop them from killing our native wildlife. Plibersek put released a statement putting in no uncertain terms that the only ones allowed to wipe out Australian wildlife are the government’s fossil fuel donors.
“These cats have gone too far,” said Plibersek, “it’s time we put an end to their crimes once and for all as they have not donated nearly enough money to the Labor party to pose this level of threat to Australia’s wildlife.”
“Speaking of, we do wish to give a special thank you to our friends in the fossil fuel industry who have already begun work on a weapon called ‘the climate apocalypse’ which is sure to wipe out all feral cats in this country at some point.”
In preparation for this war, the SAS has begun intense training in order to drone strike the felines and handcuff them before kicking them off cliffs.
Other reports suggest that both the human and cat armies have reached out to Australia’s mightiest army, the emus, in hopes of getting their help in the battles ahead. With one expert saying, “if the emu army takes the cats’ side, it’s over for us.”
So hard to tell Onion posts from legitimate headlines these days.
First part hits too close to home.
I almost ate the onion, because my local government argued about how to deal with our stray problem. This is 8 years after they shut down animal control btw. It’s still in debate but one person proposed killing while another proposed spay/neuter programs.
I would earnestly suggest open season on outdoor cats without a leash and owner present, but something tells me that would be too unpopular to work.
I’m glad to have a theonion community on here but could you maybe spread out your posts a bit, seeing 10 onion posts one after another on the frontpage isn’t great.
deleted by creator
Wow you’re like half of the front page.
Really karma whoring yourself out there eh?
That says much more about our lack of other posters than it does about OP.
I wonder if that absence has anything to do with toxic attitudes like this:
Really karma whoring yourself out there eh?
It’s all across Lemmy, not this one instance.
Also fuck off with toxic nonsense. Karma whoring is karma whoring, spamming 10 different onionish articles all at once is for no other purpose.
From someone who has contributed 5 posts in three months that’s a bold claim.
Lemmy would be better if more people were willing to post more. Please stop complaining about the people who are actively trying to make this a better place.
Oh yeah ignore the 755 comments. Y’know the thing that actually matters, engagement not spamming links everywhere.
They’re not trying to make this a better place by spamming, it lowers the quality of discussion and contributes nothing a Google search couldn’t have.
I mean, I’d think the hundreds of upvotes for OP’s link would be proof enough for you that people want more posts and enjoy seeing them.
Every time there’s a post about lack of engagement, it’s always about posts, not about comments in those posts. (Unless complaining about tankies or toxic attitudes…)
Content is content 🤷♂️
Stop whining about imaginary internet points please
that title is a whataboutism to the max
Oh no I have bitten it
