I’ll give some background in the next paragraphs. You don’t have to read them if you don’t want to, the actual question is summarised in the title and the more elaborated version is given in the last paragraph.

I lost all my friends from school due to my shyness. We don’t even keep in touch anymore at all. Over the period I was applying to uni I got really depressed because of that fact because even though I couldn’t describe anybody in our group as my “best friend”, they were good enough to hang out with and I made a decent amount of memories with them.

I tried to make friends again in Uni but my tries to gather up together ultimately failed and I don’t even know why. Most of the people aren’t from the city our uni is in, so I suggested, multiple times, going on a walk together to see local landmarks, architecture etc, maybe go in some cafe together.

The biggest friend circle inside the group formed without me with people who lived in the dorms and some random guys who got into the circle in god knows what way. All events they throw they post in some own group in a messenger, which I’m not a member of.

So I stopped trying to become friends with them since it is really hard to break into an existing friend circle. Basically, I was too late to their “party”.

I did become friends with one guy from the group, though, but he is not really interested in hanging out together outside of uni, since he already has his group of good friends with whom he does hang out and did since middle school. This isn’t much, but at least I’m not all alone at uni now.

I try to go to events in uni as much as my shyness allows me to, but they never pay out. Nobody there is interested in making new friends and everybody seems to go there with their existing friend groups. Being a loner forces me to go through the cringiest ever process of trying to find a group that is welcome to outsiders and I end up being ignored most of the time.

I often find myself wanting to go to some festival, or pub, or non-uni event, but I have an immense fear cringing from my shy self and messing up. Overcoming shyness is already hard and every time it doesn’t pay off and everybody ghosts me I get depressed for a day or two.

So, do you have any tips on how do I make friends? Maybe any tips for making myself more approachable? Are there any places shy people can go to with the goal of meeting new people?

  • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
    9·
    9 months ago

    You have built up stories for what’s going on in other people’s heads. My wife does this too. Give that up. You can’t know what the story really is, and it’s harmful to your cause to guess.

    My advice is, don’t go out to try and make friends. Just go out to talk to people. Friendship will happen or not, and AFAIK is mostly based around frequency of interaction and proximity. So be nice, be there frequently, and eventually you’ll enjoy talking with those people and know a bit about them. That’s friendship.

    If you’re looking for people to do specific activities with, then do those activities and talk to people doing them. If you want friends that go on walks, go on walks, or join groups about sightseeing.

    Also, your local library and other groups will have events you can go to.