I’m letting people who hurt me in the past live rent free in my mind.
One episode involves a former landlord that tried to run me over in an intersection with no traffic cameras.
Another one involves a manager that fired me for informing that one of his favorites yelled during night shift and ignored alarms to talk. He fired me the next day, used the exit interview to tell me everything I didn’t do right (but kept quiet about his favorites, even though I did the job like them), still had the utmost confidence on his favorites, accused me of being lazy and instead of simply firing me and keeping neutral he chose to take it personal, proceeded to try to scare me insinuating I wouldn’t work for his system again, when that failed, tried to humiliate me and then fired me. This was in an non union hospital.
When I think about it I get angry. Id like not to be so thin skinned, but here I am.
Therapy. I bottle it up all week then let it loose and cry and shout for one hour on Thursday, and my therapist helps me think about it more deeply and see things more clearly. Idk how folks are out here raw dogging their mental health without a therapist.
Mine is my family. Not sure I will ever really be able to let go. It’s pretty hard to let go of how badly those who were supposed to care for and protect you failed because they were more concerned about how other Christian Fascists viewed them socially than they were about their actual fucking kids.
And like all Boomers, they refuse to take responsibility for anything. Saying to a six year old “you are just a lazy bastard just like your father” is something they conveniently don’t remember happening. Probably because for me it was a formative moment in my childhood and for them it was just another fucking Tuesday of yelling at their kids.
I’m genuinely asking: What makes you not want to be angry at the people who hurt you?
My mom is stubborn and doesn’t forgive people who have wronged her, ever.
I just had a first-hand viewing of how difficult it made her life. She’s more lonely than she should be, because she doesn’t forgive or forget. It’s also exhausting, being that angry all the time.
Once it clicked, I realized how exhausted all that anger I was also holding onto made me as well. I just didn’t want to feel exhausted anymore.
I find that saying things out loud, even to just myself, can really help. I read something that tried to say you use a different part of your brain when you hear yourself vs only think inside your own head, and that it makes a difference. I don’t know if that is true, or backed by any evidence, but it works for me.
Honestly, it wasn’t a conscious decision, I just got tired of being angry. It’s exhausting.
That’s not to say I’ve forgiven any of them. Quite the opposite in fact: I’ve simply set a mental rule of “never accomodate them in any way” across the board so I don’t have to expend any more emotional energy on it.
The quote. “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”
It’s like you’re doubling down on what happened. Either they didn’t know/care it hurt at the time or wanted to hurt you but now you’re using your energy to extend the hurt.
When you start getting angry about it acknowledge it but then do something positive for yourself.
rent free
It’s pedantic, but I dislike this phrase a lot. It applies shame of all things to whatever motives someone might have to something. It’s one of those “it sounds good to people who aren’t going through those things, let’s use it on this person who is thinking about the time her kids were taken from her” kinds of things. I for one am analytical about all of my feelings, I don’t feel sentiments just for their own sake. Or I did, back before I had anhedonia (which might explain how I personally am doing with this issue, though ironically, some of the same people who used to say we should be more passive now say I don’t feel as much as I should). I’m not some willy-nilly revenge seeker, but I don’t know how someone could say I don’t have any reason to proceed with caution around those who I might envision as still being a potential neglector to me. Though I can attest many people like us find solace in making friends with the friends of the people who wronged said people, as it’s said to create a sanction-like effect.
Substance abuse. Can’t be upset about things you can’t remember.
These are shitty situations indeed, however it’s part of life, we all go (and will go) through shitty situations.
I assume you are an emotionally sensitive individual (which is an awesome trait!), so one of the things you can do is to tell yourself that their behavior is because of their own issues, it’s theirs, and not yours, and think about it like a ball or an object that you throw back to them. You can even laugh while you do it, because it’s actually funny when someone tries to throw his problems on you, but you throw it back on them!
People who act this way are 100% have problems, and their problems are theirs, and not yours.
For future situations, your anger for these situations might be a symptom of an underlying metal state.
I’m my opinion, therapy is the answer.
