make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don’t like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware
If someone were to take offense to me calling them dude I would absolutely make every effort to stop the behavior. I would never want anyone to feel invalidated over something like that.
That being said I feel like this whole outrage is manufactured to rile people up. I highly doubt many people are getting worked up over it. Dude has very much become a gender neutral term and is even now just used as an exclamation. I’d be willing to bet a large portion, if not the large majority, of the trans community doesn’t give a fuck about the term and they probably use it themselves.
your probably right in it likely being a small minority, but it does give me the ick, for example
Yeah, I mean, if someone politely asked another person to stop calling them some phrase or another and they refused they’re definitely an asshole. No doubt about it.
In the same token though if someone gets rude and indignant over someone calling them dude one time that person is also an asshole.
We should be treating people with respect. Period.
You’re right. I do think it’s important though to be open to admitting that many of the terms we use are reflective of a hetero/cisnormative patriarchy. I live in a region where it’s very common to call someone “guy,” regardless of gender. It may be used in a non-gendered way by most people here, but I’m trying to drop it from my vocabulary since it has gendered roots, and there are better terms I can use that are more inclusive. I feel the same way about “dude.”
I think everyone needs to be open to at least having a discussion, but I’ve seen people double down when asked to use a different term. That’s not what you’re doing obviously, but I’ve seen it.
I think this also applies to people trying to reclaim slurs. I’ve had other LGBT+ people call me the f-slur repeatedly when I simply tell them I don’t identify with that term.
We all need to be more thoughtful, I think. Myself included
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legitimately gender neutral
How many dudes have you fucked?
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That’s okay, good for you! Truthfully I don’t super care, but rock on. Just pointing out that everyone who read my question assumed I was talking about men. Dude is absolutely not a gender neutral term, that’s just a thing dudes say when we live in a dude centric world where it’s assumed to be the default person and they don’t want to think about it. Same thing works with stuff like “Hey guys”, ask them if they have had sex with a guy.
The whole thing is the same energy as saying white people “I don’t see race.”
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Maybe you should just be a decent fucking person and not go out of your way to call people things they don’t want to be called. How fucking hard is it to just not say shit that hurts people? If someone asks you to not call them something and your response is a paragraph about how it’s actually OK, you’re a shit person and a shit ally
If I don’t know a person doesn’t like something without first finding out, it’s pretty fucking hard to avoid the issue. I will act like myself and adjust as I learn more about the person. I ask that they be as patient with me as I am with them. If they take offense before teaching a stranger their basics, they were never trying to be friendly in the first place.
This is legit all I’m asking for. It would be rude to get all over someone for saying dude the way they normally do. It’s still nice to ask first, or at least as you first call them dude or whatever, but as long as you don’t insist on it when they ask you not to you’re good :3
Maybe I’m part of the problem, but in my day-to-day life, I even hear women calling each other “dude” all the time, and it seems like it’s become a non-gendered term.
Even the Wikipedia article says this:
By the late 20th to early 21st century, dude had gained the ability to be used in the form of expression, whether that be disappointment, excitement, or loving and it also widened to be able to refer to any general person no matter race, sex, or culture.
By the late 20th to early 21st century, dude had gained the ability to be used in the form of expression, whether that be disappointment, excitement, or loving and it also widened to be able to refer to any general person no matter race, sex, or culture. This is all thanks to one Kel Mitchell and his song, “I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, ‘cause we’re all dudes.”
Ftfy
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Not everyone agrees, in case you haven’t noticed. Just don’t be an asshole when someone says they don’t wanna be called that, it’s really not hard at all
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Nobody’s doing that, stop making shit up to get mad about
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If someone told me so, I’d respect that.
What I won’t respect is someone who think they know better than anyone about the world telling me what to assume.
Where is anyone doing that? You’re just making shit up to get mad about at this point
Fragile ego. Become truly indifferent to pronouns to destroy all gender roles and eliminate the ability for anyone to be transphobic by normalizing any self expression for any person.
Dude will evolve to become a personality archetype moreso than a gender-associated noun.
I think… I get it. You’re saying that transcendental dudeism can only be achieved when the dude abides. But the intolerant dude cannot abide in any dudes heart, lest they stray from dudes path. Thus the true dude must respect absence of dudeness in some as much as it’s bounty in others with the quiet heart of a stoic.
Only then will you realize that it is not the dude that abides, but yourself.
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You make some decent points. But I think the problem with this post and basically all of the comments is overgeneralization.
Like, right you shouldn’t sing about rimjobs in Denny’s at 10:30am (since you said you’re an old person, I assume this is where and when you have lunch).
The image in this post starts with “but I call everyone dude” which can reasonably be interpreted as a response to someone objecting to being called “dude”. If you insist on calling someone something that they’ve told you they don’t like, then you’re an asshole.
Then the text of this post strays off from that a bit. You don’t need to prejudge people and ask them certain questions based on what those people usually prefer. Go about your life, be excellent to each other, and when someone shares something about themselves with you be considerate about it.
There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.
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“I would never call someone something they don’t want to be called on purpose.” then what in the fuck is even your point here? Why be an asshole to people whose feelings you’d supposedly respect? And fr what the hell is up with your tangent about us singing about rimjobs in Dennys? You sound like a conservative transphobe, if you’re not I’d suggest you stop doing your best impression of one
They probably mean this exact reaction where instead of being reasonable and explaining you don’t like being called that you launch into an immediate tirade.
This isn’t at all the situation you’re describing. It would be unreasonable to freak out on someone for calling everyone dude. I’m freaking out bc this post is full of people who would choose to call people dude even after being asked not to
A lot of the posts specifically say the opposite. “If they asked me to, I would stop”, but there’s also a lot of folks who seem to be blanket upset that anyone would use the word at all without asking first, which is not reasonable.
"there’s also a lot of folks who seem to be blanket upset that anyone would use the word at all without asking first, which is not reasonable. " source?
Not wanting to be called something that induces dysphoria isn’t narcissistic you absolute fucking boomer, fuck off back to the stone age and quit being a transphobic cunt. Literally talking about us like we’re men in skirts looking to be offended bc we don’t wanna be called traditionally masculine things, go fuck yourself
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I hope you figure out how to not be a piece of shit to trans people, or barring that just learn how to shut your mouth around us. Not all of us want to be called dude, respect that or gtfo
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Being a shit ass transphobic boomer immediately followed by concern trolling, you’re really something aren’t you
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I like being called dude less and yet look at you go
And yet they never once called you dude. You were just so happy and excited to shit on someone, that you failed to have any compassion and understand what they were actually saying.
I get what they’re saying, they’re one of those fuckers who thinks that trans people are just narcissistic snowflakes who love singing about rimjobs in public and looking for reasons to get offended. I refuse to show compassion towards people who misrepresent me and my people and tell us to be quiet and compliant for their sake.
I know they didn’t call me specifically dude, and I don’t care. They would if I were their friend and asked them not to they still would, that’s the whole fucking issue here. Just don’t call people shit they don’t want to be called, it’s a matter of basic fucking respect and trans people deserve that just like anyone else
Mustard’s point was that they didn’t want someone blowing up on them because they used the wrong word.
I doubt they have any problem with using a person’s requested pronouns, just that it’s possible to make mistakes and they’d rather be politely corrected.
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I don’t tend to call people cunts unless they make it clear they are cunts who refuse to show people basic respect like not calling them names they don’t like
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“Whats up dude”-gender neutral
no, it isn’t
Everyone can be a dude.
not everyone fucking wants to be
Context is important.
yes, which means you do recognise that the term isn’t “neutral” and therefore can and should, at the very least
make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don’t like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware
as op suggests.
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There is manufactured outrage, and then there are the people who are looking for things to be outraged over.
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So if you were friends with a trans woman who didn’t want to be called dude, you just wouldn’t give a shit and call her that anyway?
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Whatever I say here is going to be perceived wrong
No, there’s one very obvious right answer, and the fact that you won’t give it is telling.
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being married to a trans person doesn’t automatically make you good
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And thinking that inclusion is about offence, and refusing to not be a shit to people either way, makes you at the very least, a wilfully ignorant ass…
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Let’s take that dude isn’t generally considered a slur which is fine. It becomes one when someone asks you to not use that term in regards to them and you continue to do so.
People absolutely shouldn’t get offended if someone misterms them on first meeting. However if someone is constantly misgendering or what have you after being informed that the addressee doesn’t want to be addressed that way, that person does deserve to be shamed.
I get that. If someone is purposefully defying your request, that really speaks to their character flaws.
At the same time, the person making this request is probably also going to find a lot of people who are perplexed by the request, and who might subsequently keep their distance, because it’s really difficult to adhere to given its extremely common usage in the American lexicon. Rather than tempt fate and offend someone, it may be easier to just avoid talking to them.
So this is a decision to be made by the person making this request, I guess
You don’t see me calling anyone names and then telling them to suck it up (what you did)
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Ew
You think that people asking to not be called something that makes them dysphoric means they’re policing your language? Goddamn you sound like a right wing snowflake
I’m trans and have spent many years in trans spaces and this is the first I’ve heard of “dude” being problematic. Maybe it’s a regional dialect thing? I did once have a colleague ask me to stop referring to our group as “guys,” tho, I switched it to “team” instead.
I’ve seen it online more recently, but I do think it’s something most people don’t care about. So for now it seems like the best way to handle it is to just do what you normally do, and if someone says they don’t like it, don’t use it for them.
Until then, as a wise man once said, “I’m a dude. He’s a dude. She’s a dude. We’re all dudes. Hey.”
I’ve got trans and enby friends who don’t like being called ‘dude’ because they have gendered connotations associated with the word.
I’m in the PNW for reference.
My dude, dude is used as a gender neutral term
This complaint doesn’t even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun
Dude can definitely be gendered. If I said I saw a couple dudes walking down the street, would you not think I meant two men
That said, dude as an exclamation, imo, is ungendered. It’s almost like saying woah for me.
If someone really got offended by that from me, I would probably just not talk to them anymore.
But I think the OP is talking about when someone says something like sup dude.
This complaint doesn’t even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun
Girl, are you sure?
It would be more like calling someone a chick, if being used in that context.
Probably more like calling someone “queen” imo. “Chick” is usually objectifying, “queen” is not.
Queen is, for me, definitely positive, where dude is neutral.
So, I throw “gal” in the ring - I’d be cool being called gal as a binding word.
That’s actually the way I talk to everyone naturally. That being said, if someone asked me not to call them a specific kind of way I’d respect that.
While I consider dude a gender neutral term, if someone asked me to stop calling them dude, I would, as it is respectful to them.
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Damn right, those woke liberal mods should let people be loud and proud about not respecting trans people who don’t wanna be called dude! Amen brother!
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It actually kinda is when you’re doing so in direct response to a transfem person not wanting to be called dude tho
There’s a difference between “I treat dude as a gender neutral term” and “I will not be respecting your direct request” though.
One is an opinion, the other is a statement of intent. You can both treat dude as a gender neutral term in your daily life, and respect someone’s wish to not be referred to as dude. They are not mutually exclusive.
Big agree, I just wish others in the comments knew this instead of being chuds about it
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Oh I saw those comments. There were a lot of blatantly transphobic assholes with no consideration for the feelings of people who might be hurt by it. Their “opinions” were shit and transphobic and needed to be removed because that’s what you do with blatantly hateful shit on the internet. You sound like a privileged asshole wanting that shit to stay so you can see and “clown” on it rather than removing it so trans people don’t have to see that bile splattered across their favorite trans friendly shitposting community. The comments here sure as fuck made my day worse, and I’m glad the mods got to them rather than let us own them with facts and logic in the marketplace of ideas or whatever the fuck you’re talking about
I make a thread about moderators removing any comment that disagrees and none of the comments below dunking on them. I come back 18 hours later and guess what happened.
I used to like this community.
Eh nah, if you don’t think exactly the same way as I do, you’re a hateful asshole and need to be removed. Duh.
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Is this bait?
Yes.
But seriously, no offense meant at all. As someone who grew up “in the time period” in southern California the term “dude” is inescapable, regardless of gender. Trying to remove that from my vocabulary would be akin to removing “whoa” or “wow”… (I have zero issues with pronoun preferences)
If the image reference is missed, please give The Big Lebowski a view. It’s not necessarily for everyone but it’s such a gem.
Ah it was so unbelievably difficult to try to remove from my language too. I was playing a game with a mtf, I asked tbh and she said she didn’t mind. However I tried to stop doing it anyway. I failed misurably tbh. That being said I had no problem saying she so… I think it’s the case of being in a strategic scenario and not knowing who I’m talking to.
Shoutout [email protected]
Nice. Joined
Florida for me, but same. The women refer to other women as dude.
In my experience it really matters how it’s used. If you call someone a dude (that dude over there) it’s generally seen as gendered. If you use it like ‘dude that’s so rad’, it’s not gendered and is more of a soft expletive.
However, it still causes dysphoria for some folks, so when I’m unsure I’ll ask and then respect their preference.
